Back to blogging.

As if you couldn't tell from my posts from the last couple years, my luck with boys literally sucks. I know we all have our problems with relationships and love life but I'm almost 1000% sure that I've got worse than most. For some reason guys have always given me the "I just think of you as a friend" excuse. But I mean, really? Do you really only think of me as a friend? Then, you complain about how you can't find a girl who loves you like you love them. You don't understand why girls don't give you a chance and complain about how you would "make the perfect boyfriend" but no one gives you a shot. Bullshit, my "friend". BULLSHIT. I literally tell you I have feelings for you last week, then you tell me you probably could never have feelings for me, but NO GIRL EVER GIVES YOU A CHANCE? How do you really think that makes ME feel? A girl who gave you a chance. A girl who put up with a lot of crap she didn't have to. Damn, I look like an idiot.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

PLEASE. Why can't you JUST be real with me? You know what I want so why won't you tell me what you want? Is it because you know it's something I probably don't want to hear? If so, then spare me the details and don't mess with my mind anymore. It's been too long and I've put too much into being with you to have everything come crashing down on my head. At least if you tell me now I won't have to go through the pain of finding out in the future when you find someone better. If you want me, ....please just be real with me.

Let us die young or let us live forever.

Some are like water, some are like the heat, Some are the melody and some are the beat, But sooner or later they all will be gone, Why don't they stay young?

Something's made your eyes go cold.

Could you tell me what happened? Could you tell me what I did? Where did everything go?
I'm strung out and confused. I thought you wanted me. I thought you liked me. I thought I was going to get what I wanted for a change. I thought we had something. What happened? What did I do? What changed?
What happened to the hugs from behind and the cute little compliments? What happened to the legitimate texting conversations even though you don't text that much? What happened to sneaking up behind me and putting my hood over my head? What happened to the way you would look into my eyes and I'd ask "What?" and you'd just smile and say "Oh nothing". What happened to spending time with each other? What happened?
I thought you said I made you feel special? I thought you said that you thought I was special? What happened to going out or coming over after work? What happened to giggling with each other behind the bar? What happened to the little glances at me when you thought I wasn't looking? What happened to making me blush and joyfully pointing it out? I thought you said it WAS sincere?
It was like in the blink of an eye everything was gone. It happened too instantly and it hurts. I swear I thought we were going to have something. I can't get over how it literally came to a halt out of no where. I don't know what happened and it's ripping me to bits.
Please, please, PLEASE... whatever it was, please give me another chance?

Some nights.

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance... oh...

You light up my world like nobody else.

I'm broken. Do you hear me?

I'm unbelievably depressed all the time. My mother has gone off the deep end since my stepfather and her got a divorce. She stresses me out. I don't even know who she is anymore. I use to respect her so much, but all of that is gone. It makes me angrier knowing that I can't talk back to her because either she will absolutely despise me for the next to week, while completely neglecting me; or yell more at me because I am a disrespectful daughter. I don't feel like I'm allowed to have opinions with her. I am a child to her only because I live under her roof, but when need be, I'm an adult who should be able to take care of herself because I'm 18 years old.
I feel like I have no friends because no one is hardly there for me. I have no one to actually open up to because no one really gives a fuck. No one knows me anymore because no one cares enough to find out who I am or is willing to except me for who I am. Even in a room surrounded by people, I'm still all alone. No one has time for me.
All I want to do is break down and cry, and the worst part is, I have no one to actually care about me or who even cares that I'm upset.

All I want is for someone to care. Is that too much to ask?

Shut the door, turn the light off.

NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM!

More than this.

I’m broken, do you hear me?
I’m blinded, ‘cause you are everything I see,
I’m dancin’ alone, I’m praying,
That your heart will just turn around,

And as I walk up to your door,
My eye turns to face the floor,
‘Cause I can’t look you in the eyes and say,

When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than, this

If I’m louder, would you see me?
Would you lay down
In my arms and rescue me?
‘Cause we are the same
You saved me,
When you leave it’s gone again,

And when I see you on the street,
In his arms, I get weak,
My body fails, I’m on my knees,
Prayin’,

When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,
When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,

I’ve never had the words to say,
But now I’m askin’ you to stay
For a little while inside my arms,
And as you close your eyes tonight,
I pray that you will see the light,
That’s shining from the stars above,

(And I say)

When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

‘Cause I can love you more than this

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,

When he opens his arms and hold you close tonight,
It just won’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,

When he lays you down,
I might just die inside,
It just don’t feel right,
‘Cause I can love you more than this,
Can love you more than this

Take it for granted that we’ll be the same.

Best friends don't make best friends feel like this.

I need that one thing,

...and you've got that one thing.

A few of my favorite quotes.

Molly: What if my name was Komitza Krimes?
Ayah: My name would be Bailzoo Out

"I thought it was a road."
- Makenzie.

"Its easy to forget how to appreciate your front door, when you're always walking through it."
-Alexander William Gaskarth

"You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspence. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is, whether or not you're perfect for each other. Thats the whole deal, thats what intimacy is all about. Now, you can know everything in the world sport, but the only way you're finding out that one is by giving it a shot."
-Robin Williams

"Love is something to be created and given; expressed and shared. Like so many other things, it takes two. And the love created is stored in a special, well-protected chamber of the heart in which the owner can develop as many or as little keys as they desire to give whomever they chose access to that love."
-Unknown

"Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath. This is why I walk to the ocean. Swim with sharks and jellyfish. I may never get this chance again. This is why if you want to kiss you should kiss. If you want to cry you should cry, and if you want to live you should live. You don't have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia. It's for lovers (orjustfriends) This is why I do it."
-Ryan Ross

D is for Dangerous.

It seems like when I fight back, you seem to notice.

I shouldn't be like this.

I can't believe you sometimes.
You just drive me over the mother fucking edge sometimes.
WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH!?

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty.

When I thought he couldn't get any more perfect, he continues to amaze me with each and every word.
“This next song goes out to anybody who’s ever been told that the way that they think or the way that they feel is the wrong way to think or the wrong way to feel. Goes out to anybody who’s ever been pushed down, held back, walked on…anybody who doesn’t feel comfortable in their own skin, anybody…everybody - it goes out to everybody. It goes out to all of you! And the reason it goes out to all of you is because every single one of you is fucking beautiful. I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of people in the world trying to tell other people that they’re not beautiful. And I don’t stand for that, I think that’s bullshit. Each and every single one of you are gorgeous, believe in yourselves. This song goes out to all of you. It’s called ‘Therapy’.”

-Alex Gaskarth

Please.

Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please.

Long live.

I have not posted a good blog in a really long time. I really wanted to a couple of times, but I didn't. I feel about 40 thousand different emotions in one day. It's kind of hard to deal with, but I'm trying my best. I spent most of the time either at work or at school. I rarely have time between. I miss my best friend more and more ever day. I'm still completely hopeless with my love life. I got a new kitten. I rescued it from someone who never should have gotten a cat in the first place. Her name is Marteensie. I got my iphone for my birthday and I really love it.
I spend more time on my tumblr. But I prefer this for my text posts and to really rant about things. Mostly because not many people have access to this blog.
I wish I used it more.
I'm relaxing right now by myself, just thinking and enjoying myself. That's something I don't get to do as much as I want. I wish I had more time to just chill out.
It's starting to get cold outside and I'm so excited. I'm so ready for winter. I'm ready for sweaters, scarves, and boots. I'm ready to see my breath when I walk out the door. I'm ready for something to change. I need something new to happen.

I don't really know what to say next.
I don't feel like I'm done yet.
I guess that's one of my problems.
I don't know when to stop.

Thanks,

asshole.

It's been a while.

Nothing really changed.
School started,
I got a job,
...that's about it.

Se me olvido.

I forgot.