It's never been so easy to say "I don't care".

A collection of some amazing quotes by one of the most inspiring men in my life.
Alexander William Gaskarth <3

"Be real, because a mask only fools people on the outside.
Pretending to be someone you're not takes a toll on the real you,
and the real you is more important than anyone else."

"I missed the moment when time collapsed and memory was erased,
replaced by finicky social experiments, lost in the blur of intoxication,
sucked through multi-colored bendy-straws"

"The closest friends you'll have are
the ones you'd take a bullet for, but
they're the ones you constantly feel
you could put a bullet in as well."

"They know better than to touch what they can't have, but faced with such infatuation, he is but a child in a candy shop"

"Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only suggest,
never deciding for us,
never knowing if the destination to which they lead,
is where we truely belong.
Life's greatest tragedy is not that it will some day end,
but that most of us just live to follow directions,
and many times we end up totally lost."

"Human nature makes it easy to bicker like children, but the human heart makes it possible to squelch the noise our head creates."

Come what may.

For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me
But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours

Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins
Suddenly I understand everything I couldn't comprehend

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to lose such a big part of me again
...lose such a big part of me again

I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs

Lets play pretend

This is it.
Let go.
Breath.

I'll be big enough for both of us to say "be happy".

If we were children, this slightly how this situation would play out:

My mom brings me to this big, brand new toy store and I find the most amazing toy in the whole world. I want it soooo badly, but my mom won't buy it for me. She insist that I have plenty of toys, and not having this one won't be a big deal.
I'm upset, but I go ahead and believe her. We leave the toy store and we go home. I fall asleep that night and have a dream with me playing with that toy. Oh! How much fun it is.
I go to my best friend's birthday party that day. We sing "Happy Birthday", eat cake, and play around. The thought of the toy is totally out of mind for the time being. Then the time comes for her to open up her presents. Oh, she's always gotten all the best toys; basically everything she asked for. She opens them all, and she got the most amazing toys I've ever seen. Kinds I've never heard of before, and they all look equally as fun. She always gets the best toys.
Her parents bring one last present to her. It just so happens to be that one toy I saw just the day before at the toy store. I was so jealous. I wanted it.
About two weeks later, I go over to her house again, just to find that she's thrown all her new toys to the back of her toy box. Right on bottom was that toy I've wanted since the day I saw it. Something I'd wanted so bad, and she'd just thrown it away like it was nothing. She said it was fun for a while, but she just got a new toy, and she didn't want to play with it anymore.
I still can't believe she didn't even care anymore.

Okay, maybe that's a really lame scenario for it, but you get what I mean. It's hard when you feel like someone who gets everything they want, gets the ONE thing you want. Something you could cherish and love for forever, but they have it and treat it like it's nothing.

I've known for a while, and I still know now, that I'm better.
It makes me wonder if anyone else will ever realize it.

Happy the hard way.

There are certain things in each of us that we hide from the rest of the world. Or at least we try to hide.
Which in turn, we feel like no one understands us. Actually, that's the truth. No one does understand us, because they aren't us.
These things make us who we are, we just don't share them with the rest of the world. It's usually because we're scared of what they'll think or how'll they react.
When really, it's none of anyone else's business. It doesn't matter what they think, because well... they aren't you.
Even the truth is, I can say that all I want, but I still do it too. I understand.

Like, for me. As much as I hate to admit it, I am an extremely jealous person. Jealousy is a typical reason for why I get upset. Like, I get really mad because of it. Or sad. Or any kind of negative emotion. But I can't help it. I know what I want, and sometimes I get pissed when someone else gets it. I hardly show anyone how jealous I get. How things affect me. Because I don't want to be known as a crazy psycho bitch... (;
Okay, it's not THAAAT bad. But I do get jealous a lot.
I've gotten better with it. I've learned that we don't always get what we want, and there's no use crying (or getting mad) over it. It's better to get over it and move on, because eventually it'll stop affecting you.

I do know that sometimes it's different or more difficult that just being jealous. Everyone gets jealous sometimes...

It's just part of our personality that we hide from people to fit in or we don't want to admit it to ourselves. The thing is, it's impossible to run away from. It's who we ARE. We have to embrace it, and sometimes learn how to deal with it.

You can't run away from yourself.
Don't try. <3

For always, forever.

So, we're winding down spring break 2010.
It was pretty good, not gonna lie. Like, I think it was really good.
Hung out with Vance, Dustin, Lacey, Regina, Ayah, Shelby, and Makenzie.
Good times (:

Went to Houston, saw a Spanish ballet, went to the Chocolate Bar, went to the Heritage Festival, went to Taco Bell a bazillion times, and went to the park and had a shaving cream and water balloon war (:

It's kinda funny, because I kept wanting to make it seem bad. Like, because my best friend wasn't here I thought it was gonna be boring as hell. When it was actually one of the greatest Spring breaks ever!
School starts again tomorrow though >.<
Time to start counting down until summer vacation.

She gets what she wants and she breaks what she gets, get out while you can or she'll tear you to pieces.

I've never told a lie, and that makes me a lair.
I've never made a bet, but we gamble with desire.
I've never lit a match with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames are getting out of control.
Call me a name.
Kill me with words.
Forget about me, it's what I deserve.
I was your chance to get out of this town,
but I ditched the car and left you to wait outside.
I hope the air will serve to remind you that my heart is as cold
as the clouds of your breath.
And my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.

I wanna see your face and know I made it home

Ahhh! This is driving me insane! I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I want to stop this madness. I want to drop all of this. I hate being so confused. I hate forcing myself not to do things.
My heart. My stupid heart. It knows what it wants.
Then my mind. My smart mind. It knows what's best for me. It actually thinks things through.
But when they work together, I get a massive mess. Because I know what I want, and I know what I need. I know when something is bad for me, but my heart tells me it doesn't matter.
I'm really weird. When I see something, or hear something that effects me, whether it's a good or bad way, I'll replay it over and over in my mind. Sort of making a mini video of it playing in my head. Anytime I'm not focused on anything, it runs through my mind, either making me really happy, or making me really sad.
I really over think things too much. It's really dumb.
And I sound like I'm rambling throughout this blog.

Anyways. Spring break is this week. I'm excited for it, and not excited for it. I'm happy because HELLO NO SCOOL. But I'm not excited because all my friends are going to Disney with the school band :/
Then when they get back, my best friend is probably going to Houston for the rest of the week.
Imma miss him.

UGH. I have no idea what I'm going to do.
I think I need sleep. A lot of sleep. To get away from all this shit.


"I feel like a piece of gum that's been chewed on for 2 hours and stuck to the bottom of a table." -Alex Suarez.
Love is shit.