Have a little faith in me.

"So, I won't do what you told me
I won't do what you said, no
I'm not goin' stop feelin'
I'm not goin' forget

I don't want to start over
I don't want to pretend that
You are not my lover
That you're only my friend"


So, today is the day. It's the last day of summer vacation. Tomorrow, I will wake up at 6:00 am, take a shower, get dressed, and go to school for the first time in 3 months. Part of me thinks nothing special happened this summer. Nothing significant happened. But you know, it did. Something amazing happened. Not on the outside, but on the inside. I feel so much better now. I think for the first time in over a year and a half, I think...

I am actually happy.

It's been over a year and a half since I've actually said that. And, honestly. I have to thank the most amazing friends I have. Tyler, Brie, and Ayah. Wow. Those guys are the most amazing people ever. I love them to death.

The last two days have been AMAZING. I don't even know. I just thought they were great, because I was actually able to enjoy them. I am happy.

I have come to terms with everything I have been upset with, and I'm glad I finally was able to do that.

This school year should be a great year. I hope so. Even though I didn't accomplish everything I wanted this summer. I still was able to fix something that has been affecting my life for a long time. I'm happy that I've moved on, and realized that letting go of some things is the best thing to do. I'm not giving up everything, but I'm giving up most of it.

Right now I am listening to my official summer soundtrack. The whole Nothing Personal album by All Time Low. I've chosen that whole CD to be my summer album. I couldn't think of anything better. I love it so much, and it has really helped me with everything <3

I got my school schedule on Friday, and I really like it (: I have a few of my friends in my classes and I just think I'll like it. Part of me is excited for everything to just get started again. To just get back with it, but I am REALLY going to miss sleeping in every day and staying up all night. I am going to miss not having a curfew. But, I think it's time I moved out of summer and back into the school year yet again.

So, here is to another year with my friends. New and old. Here's to making everything count, and living in the moment. Taking chances and seeing where life will lead us (:
Freshman year was so crazy, I am really wondering how Sophomore will even compare. I mean, last year was... wow. I really grew up, and so did my friends. I am really excited, and a tad nervous, to see what this year is going to bring.


<3

Hey moon, please forget to fall down.

"Goodbye my almost lover. Goodbye my hopeless dream. I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?"

A good while ago, one of my closest friends said this:
"You know that feeling you get when you wish
that one person would kiss you but they don't?
And they ask you what you're thinking about but
you don't tell them. They just stare into your eyes
and it takes all of your self control not to grab them
and never let go. Well I do. And when they ask you
what you're thinking about, don't say "Oh nothing."
or "It doesn't matter." Because you both know
deep down that it does matter and if you let that
moment go, you many never get another. So be
wise with what you think, even wiser with what you
say, but be most wise with what you do."

I just found that old quote in a random folder on my computer, and it made me want to talk about the most complex and most confusing emotion. Love.

Love can come in many shapes and forms. There's the love you have for your family and friends, but I want to talk about the love you feel for that one person who makes you happier than anyone else could ever hope you make you.

Now, I may be young, but I've felt my share of love. I've had that crush that, you know, you just don't want to tell them. You get those butterflies every time you see them, are around them, they smile at you, you hear their voice, when they say your name. You get all shy and giddy around. I've had that obsessive love. Where they are the only thing you want to talk about, only thing on your mind 24/7. You need to know as much about them as you can know. I've had the untouchable love. A few times, actually. The person that you want so much, care about so much, just NEED, but you can't have them. The fact that you can't have them just makes you want them more.

Love is pretty much an unconditional affection with no limits or conditions.

But with most love, you get heartbreak. Now, heartbreak is the probably one of the most painful things you can feel emotionally. It's especially damaging the first time, and even worse if you're old enough to have known better. One may feel heartbreak when a (romantic) relationship comes to an end or when one has been cheated on or something like that. You cannot think about anything except for the awful pain you feel and how much you hate the person for leaving you, and at the same time desperately want them back. Heartbreak is very scary, and yes it does hurt, but it's something that you just have to deal with. Feel sad for the right amount of time, then pick up the pieces and move on.


But the last type of love is the most special. It's the love you have for that ONE person. Your soul mate. When you feel it, you know it (so I've heard). You know they are the one. The person you desperately want to spend the rest of your life with. It's complete trust that your thoughts and feelings and other aspects (if not all aspects) of your life/self will be safe in the hands of another. You love them with all your heart. In time, the butterflies you felt for them go away, but the love is still intense, because honestly. You can't live with butterflies forever.

I am also a believer in love at first sight, in a way. I don't think it's truly "love" but you know there is something special about that person. You know they are different about them. Something you like and want to know more about. Just because love takes time.

Now, there's infatuation which is not to be confused for love. Infatuation is liking everything about a person, and seeing them as perfect. you do not see their flaws, just overlook them and act like they are perfect, but with love, you see their flaws, and just accept them. Or infatuation can be only an attraction for another person based only on what you initially see and not what you know about them. You do NOT know that person yet. It is only an attraction to someone based on what you WANT them to be verses who they really are.


-By the way, the quote was from my best friend, Tyler Ballew.

Hush

"It's amazing how much somebody can break your heart and still you love them with every broken piece of it."

I woke up this morning to really loud thunder. I laid in bed for a while just watching the rain and hearing it angrily fall to the ground. I laid there for a good hour, just thinking. Thinking about everything. No real topic. I just let my thoughts bounce around from one thing to another. At one point I was thinking about school.
School is starting next Monday. Ah, I really am not looking forward to it. I don't see why anyone is. Sure, it's nice to go back and see all your friends. Something new yet again. Buy new clothes and new supplies. Meet your teachers. Okay, but what after all the new-ness wears off? Then what? You're stuck with the everyday, waking up early, going to school and sitting through boring classes. You become sick of the homework and tired of the drama. Then all you want is the summer to come back. Sure school gives you something to do every day, but I'd rather be bored and be able to sleep, stay up until 3:00 Am and wake up at 11:30 than be stuck with school work for 8 hours a day and waking up at 6:00 Am. I just don't see why people look forward to it. Everyone gets grounded because their grades are slipping. Ewwww, right? Well duh.

So I guess I lied to myself about this summer though. I thought it was going to be great. I thought something great would happen. But it didn't. Nothing new happened. Nothing changed. Well, maybe something did happen. I got one thing I was looking for. I found a comfort with everything. I'm comfortable. I'm not exactly HAPPY per-say, but I am okay. I don't know if it's me really being okay/content or it's the numbness. But what ever it is, it's nicer than being depressed all the time. So that's the one thing I got out of this summer. Comfort.

So, I think I'm addicted to the show Sex and the City. It's pretty amazing. It makes me want to grow up and move to New York. Which I already want to do. But their lives seem so exciting and interesting.

Oh and also! The new Cobra Starship album "Hot Mess" came out the other. Let me just say, it is AMAZING. Really. Cobra Starship never seems to let me down (:

For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.

Sometimes I wonder "When did life get so hard?" or "Why do things have to be this way?" and the simple reason is the fact that it's life. It has it's ups and downs. Life can be demonstrated with a line, as my friend Brie and I always say.
This is life:
-------___--------________------------------------__----

You see? If you don't, well you're probably an idiot.
There are the things about life that make us extremely happy. The things we live for. Having fun, cuddling with that one person who makes you the happiest, going to a party with your friends, waking up totally refreshed after a good night of sleep, going on a vacation, taking a long warm shower, going to a concert to see your favorite band, being in an amazing relationship. The good things that make us happy. But then, you have the downs. You have to get through the downs to get back to the ups. Things can't be perfect all the time. As much as we want things to always go our own way, it doesn't happen. Life is tough. You have a broken heart, you cry, you have a bad break up, you feel lonely, you get lost, you fall, you lose friends, you get put up against something you're scared of, you get HURT. Some people might call me pessimistic for saying that. But as pessimistic as I am, that's not being pessimistic. That's being honest.
And as many times as you fall, you have to be willing to get back up, brush yourself off, and keep going. If you don't, then what will happen? You'll live the rest of your life dreading waking up in the morning. You'll get a new relationship, you'll conquer a fear, you'll make new friends, your bruises heal. Then, things won't be so bad.
But of course, we all have to break down sometimes. Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep. But then the next morning, even if you feel awful, get up, take a hot shower, then go out. Do something. Take your mind off things. You need to try to MAKE things better for yourself.
So, when you're in a bad mood. Feel bad for half a day. Cry your eyes out. Sit alone. Take time. Then, get up, put a smile on, and go.

Jsyk.

This is for all the girls who have a new boyfriend every week.
News flash:
*It's not going to work out*
You wonder why people think you're slutty? You wonder why guys take advantage of you? You wonder why you can't seem to get respect from anyone?
Another news flash:
*It's because you're EASY*
Really girls, have some dignity. Have some time to get to know a guy before you start falling hard and giving yourself up to him. It takes more than three days of texting flirty things. It takes a while to actually get to know someone and find out who they really are. To build up trust. Find a guy who actually respects you. Learn about them. Learn who they are.

That's the problem with our generation. We pass around love like it's candy. I don't think a lot of people our age actually know what love is. Love takes time. Love takes effort from TWO people. To be honest, you can't fall in love in a week. You can't fall in love in a month. It takes time.

There really is a difference between love and infatuation, but they can easily be confused. But when you fall in real love, you can tell the difference. Love is trust. That's what it is. You care about someone so deeply that you can trust them with your heart. You know they won't hurt you.

Here's just to you, girls who have a new boyfriend every week (and are upset when things don't work out after a week)-
Take a break, find a nice guy who RESPECTS you, don't give him everything within a month. Make your time together special. Make sure you both care about each other.
Your relationships will be a lot more meaningful if you spent time getting to know the guy.

Also, another news flash.
*Myspace isn't match.com*





Annnnnd, I'm done (:
Just wanted to get that off my chest because it's really been bugging me how girls throw their feelings around like that now-a-days.

Do what it takes to survive.

"Love is something to be created and given; expressed and shared. Like so many other things, it takes two. And the love created is stored in a special, well-protected chamber of the heart in which the owner can develop as many or as little keys as they desire to give whomever they chose access to that love."

The Sour and the Sweet

I hate how you still love her*.
I hate how you're the reason I'm losing sleep.
I hate how you refuse to let go.
I hate how you're everything I want and need.
I hate how you hold back.
I hate how your lips grazed mine so softly.
I hate how beautiful you look in the rain.
I hate how you were made for me.

From The Sour and The Sweet by Forgive Durden <3