My heart is the worst kind of weapon.

Excuse the post about the rant earlier this morning.
So I have something to write about now. Like a real blog.

My heart has been having a huge... well... confusion? Would you say confusion? I guess. I'll go with it. It's basically been getting messed up lately because of all the shit I keep putting it through. I love, like, and use to love (still kind of do) three people and my heart really doesn't know what to do.

I'm so in love. A love I really can't beat. Nothing whatsoever will make it go away or has made it go away. I still lay up at night thinking. Which I know I shouldn't. I know it's impossible. It always will be, but I don't know why my heart holds on. It's been years and years. I've been through so much. My heart just won't let it go.

There is also this boy I just recently got over after about a 6 month thing. We never dated but it was basically like we were dating. He was a sweet guy, but totally didn't want to commit to me. He pretty much just wanted to be friends with benefits (?) I guess. I 'm not sure. He liked having someone to talk to all the time. He liked having someone to text all the time and call every night. Of course I loved that too. I loved having someone there. But every time we got close, he would push me away. He would make some sort of excuse that would throw me back. Then I would have to work back toward what we had. It was like he had me on a string. Like a yo-yo. As soon I would get to the top, he would throw me back down. It was easy and fast to get back up, but he would once again throw me down. Finally, I got tired of being thrown down, so on the way down I broke the string and fell to the ground away from him. I still care about him, and sometimes I want to try to redo our friendship, but I'm pretty much convinced we can't have a real friendship without being like we're in a relationship.

Then, this boy I like. Wow. He gives me butterflies (something I'm not use to). He's smart, cute, funny, artistic, and so many other things. He's polite and a gentleman. He's the complete opposite of an asshole. I love when he texts me or calls me. I even like just thinking about him. He gets my mind of off the two people above. Which, that's lovely to get away from. He's everything to love in a boy, and everything I'd want from a boy. A boyfriend and a best friend. He makes me want to dance around my room in circles and sing. Something tells me he will either make me or break me.

I'm not depressed, I'm not sad. I'm not crying. I'm not thinking anything bad. My hearts just been through a lot lately, and it was something I needed to write about.
And I did.